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THE CHALLENGE OF
MARRIAGE
Today's youth is
in a dilemma. He is bombarded with subliminal and not-so-subliminal
sexual messages from all over - billboards, advertisements, television,
newspapers, magazines, friends, teachers and even enemies, everywhere!
Negative messages are sent across indicating that pre-marital sex is OK,
dating is normal, etc.
On the other
hand, his religion, his faith tells him otherwise - "Chastity is a
virtue to be safeguarded until one is married." Yet, the means to get
married are a far cry in these harsh times, parents of girls demand
exorbitant dowries or "mehrs".
Where does this
leave the poor youth, earning just enough to exist (and there are yet
those who are responsible for their aging parents). Perish the thought
of marriage?! Yet, his hormones tell him otherwise, his peers are
pressurizing him and the mass media is mesmerizing him. He is bombarded
in all directions with no choice and no one to turn to.
If he turns to
his parents, the madrassah teachers, the Imams and best of all the
Qur'an, the Word of Allah, they all quote the same, same thing -
"chastity is virtue".
But, he is under
pressure from within and outside. Then there is the stark reality of the
dreaded deadly disease AIDS.
To avoid all
this, the youth must be supported in this big marriage issue. Parents of
girls shouldn't demand this way out "mehrs" or "dowries" with the
lame excuses that the rate of inflation is very high. "We cannot buy our
daughters the furniture they need, nor the gold jewelry, nor the kitchen
utensils required, a teacup costs a bomb each, for heavens sakes"
demands one mother. "What is one to do?" she insists.
What is one to
do? If your daughter doesn't get those flashy sofas and gigantic bedroom
sets will it mean the end of the world? Does this make her a lesser
woman? By Allah, No!! We seem to have forgotten this: In His Book, Allah
says:
"If they
be poor, Allah will enrich them out of His Grace and Bounty." (24:32)
The above verse
shows us that though "Mehr" (Dowry) is compulsory in marriage, it
doesn't justify the dowries demanded nowadays. They are just too much!!
Yet the young men who are fortunate enough to be employed overseas with
big salaries or those who happen to have wealthy parents giving them a
helping hand, can afford to give in to these ridiculous demands to the
detriment of those, not so well off (and they constitute the majority).
Many a marriage
has gone down the drain after so much pomp and grandeur of extravagant
wedding festivities filled with all sorts of "munkar" or male musicians,
imitating foreign fashions with bridal gowns bought at exorbitant rates,
lavish receptions in big hotels..., need I say more? The time has come
for us as Muslims to revise our priorities in the concept of marriage.
Let us stop wasting time and money on extravagant wedding festivities
and help the youth in safeguarding their chastity.
Islam defines
marriage as a social, spiritual and sexual relationship between a man
and a woman who solemnly enter into a contract of marriage on religious
grounds - to unite and live together as husband and wife under the terms
and conditions of such a contract. When the divine origin of marriage is
recognized and the divine principles controlling it are obeyed, the
marriage is indeed a blessing, but when these are disregarded, a lot of
evils are sure to follow. A successful and happy marriage is a great
source of joy and blessing in life which will overshadow all other
adversities throughout life.
Therefore, the
youth shouldn't be discouraged unduly by imposing upon them such
ridiculously high dowries. In the Qur'an Allah says:
"But
bestow upon them (a suitable gift) the wealthy according to his means
and the poor according to his means; a gift of a reasonable amount is
due from those who wish to do the right thing." (2:236)
Now, do we want
to do the right thing by following Allah's Commands and the Sunnah of
the Noble Prophet Muhammad (SAW) or become victims of detrimental social
practices initiated by the ignorant?!!
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